Monday, January 21, 2013

Why is only anonymous affection appropriate?

What got me started on this was the pseudo anonymous "honest thoughts" that are going around the facebook. Send someone a number they post their thoughts on you under that number. YOU both know who you are but the rest of the interwebz doesn't... in theory. I like it. It is a way to tell your friend that you care about them. This part is cool. But you couldn't just say it to them in a message? Why go through the bother of requesting that someone ASK for your thoughts on them and then "secretly" tell them? Maybe I missed the premise... To show that you can think about someone even though only two people know who you are talking about?

Is it because we want to love anonymously? We want to love privately? We want to share an intimate moment and for someone to know that they are held in high regard in your mind... but in secret.

We don't want to shout from rooftops. We don't want to risk a poor reaction where others can see. We don't want to shame others by loving them out loud. We are embarrassed by public displays of affection around us and towards us. We want others to love us but not to tell others why. We are uncomfortable being affectionate to those we are affectionate towards. Romantic partners are sometimes an exception but still not out loud! Still not where others can see or hear. We are uncomfortable because we don't know what is appropriate. What I may think is acceptable may send the recipient squirming.

I know that I am incredibly guilty of this. I like to think that I am very generous with my affection but I am also very private about it. I once wrote little anonymous notes of praise and thanks to everyone in my class and had the teacher hand them out. Personalized. "Thank you for always providing such good insight into class discussion." "Thank you for supporting and helping others." I don't know if I ever told anyone. And why not?! Why couldn't I go up to each of them? "Hey, I think you are really swell. I notice you do this thing that I admire. Go you." Shouldn't be that hard...

Thankfully I am not uncomfortable receiving it like some. Those who are made uncomfortable by affection, gifts, kind words, praise... Those who shrug off heartfelt words... Are they the ones who love anonymously or do they keep even that sheltered to a point where it never sees the sun?

Reach out. Tell someone what you really think about them. What you love, appreciate, admire, don't like about them. That they look good today. That you are thinking about them. That they are more than a number to you and that you are not ashamed of everyone else knowing it either.
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1 comment:

  1. UnknownJanuary 21, 2013 at 1:05 PM

    One reason: It's the internet. If you say something like that in a fully public manner, there's a decent chance that some asshat or troll will come along and crap all over it. That's much less likely if the person isn't named.

    Another reason: It is, to me at least, better in a way to see something like that said in a public forum than in a private email. Even if it is anonymous, you can still see it and know that somebody made that statement about you part of their "public record", so to speak.

    Yet another reason: By making it semi-public you create pressure on yourself to follow through and actually say something, and to make what you say eloquent enough that the average person might find it an interesting read. It drives something more substantial than "I think you're great".

    Bottom line, it's fun for the people doing it. It's their public space and they can do whatever they choose to with it, and I find the criticism of it ridiculous (noting that I don't really consider your writing here a criticism per se, so that isn't directed at you).

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